What am I still doing in Cancun?

The adventures of an American single mommy working and playing in paradise.

Gay Jokes and Coming Out

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If you’re here because you thought you were going to read some gay jokes here well then you’d better hit the back button.

I have something to say. It’s been awhile since I’ve climbed up on my soapbox, so I believe the time has come for me to do so again. I have touched on this subject before (or raged about it) but in this case a repeat of Oprah that was on last night was the inspiration for this post. It was called “Coming Out on the Oprah Show, 25 Years of Unforgettable Guests” and it originally aired on January 25, 2011. I guess I was too busy starting a new job to write about it (it aired the evening before my first day).

First of all, what I have to say about this show is that I LOVED IT. It brought me to tears more than once because although I myself am not gay, I have always had gay folks in my life (family, friends) and many of them have shared their personal coming out stories with me. In fact, I have even been present at a coming out or two.

My best male friend is gay. I met him my very first day of college. He tried to date me for awhile and although I loved him dearly, I knew we shouldn’t date as my finely tuned gaydar was telling me that it wouldn’t be long before he would need to face the truth of who he really was. I have told this story a million times, and I hope he’ll forgive me for telling it yet another time, especially since I am not using his name or anything. The day he chose to come out to me and my best female friend we were all studying in my dorm room. He was reading a book that was wrapped in a brown paper bag. We were like, “WHAT are you reading??” and he pulled it out and it was called “On Being Gay”. My friend and I (the girl) kind of shrugged, “Huh. OK. Well we already knew that,” and we went back to reading. He says it was the most anti-climatic moment of his life. Lol

All anyone really wants to hear when they come out, especially to their parents, is “It’s OK, we love you just the way you are.” Period. Not, “OK, but let’s not tell anyone else in the family,” or my personal favorite, “Are you sure?” LOL It hurts my heart to think about how many children, men and women don’t hear what they want and NEED to hear from their parents when they come out to them. I have friends who have lost their parents never having felt they could tell them they were gay. I respect each persons’ decision on how, when and who to come out to, but being a person who desperately wants to be loved for my authentic self (Oprah again), it makes me sad to know that some parents’ prejudices and fears are so strong that their own children feel those things would override their love for them.

Gay jokes by insecure straight men really piss me off. Seriously, keep your ignorant trap shut. Besides, it’s like putting a big sign on your forehead that says “IGNORANT AND INSECURE”. It is just these kinds of jokes that put fear in the heart of a young person who is in the closet. The Rutgers freshman who recently KILLED HIMSELF because some ignorant disgusting excuses for human beings secretly videotaped him engaging in a sexual encounter with another man is another example of a “joke” that is not only not funny, but is criminal. These little cold-hearted psychos’ lawyers are actually trying to argue that this wasn’t a hate crime and that they didn’t do this because he was gay. Invasion of privacy? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Did I miss something? Did they also secretly tape a straight couple engaging in a sexual encounter? I hope those two get what is coming to them.

Before my son was born I reminded his father, “He could be gay you know. What are you going to do if he’s gay?” I could see the fear in his eyes. His answer was, “Nothing, what could I do about it? Nothing.” OK, well that’s not the best answer but at least he didn’t say “Disown him,” or something like that. Interestingly enough, some gay men my husband works with also asked him this question and I believe he gave them the same answer but added, “He’s my son.”

That’s it Papi, you’re getting warmer.

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